


Hand in hand

by Batgirl_xcv



Category: Actor RPF, Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Real Person Fiction, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Dorks in Love, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Tension, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22232731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batgirl_xcv/pseuds/Batgirl_xcv
Summary: Life isn't perfect you just need that person you choose to struggle with, because whatever life throws at you, take the hand that supports you, guides you and loves you.
Relationships: Chris Evans & Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans (Actor)/Steve Rogers, Chris Evans/Sebastian Stan, James "Bucky" Barnes/Chris Evans/Steve Rogers/Sebastian Stan, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sebastian Stan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Hand in hand

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer (probably a good idea). None of the events are real just 100% pure fiction, nor are the comments made with absolutely no intention to cause offence or harm against the actors.
> 
> Pre-scribble to other works, thought why not finish something that's been sitting for months.

The sound of the hotel room phone ringing echoes through the otherwise silent space, ricocheting off of the deep red interior. With a frustrated sigh Sebastian drops his half read book onto the pillow beside him, where in a rare moment of peace he’s sprawled out on the queen size bed. Reluctantly he reaches for the object threatening to shatter his ear drums. 

“Hello?” 

“Mr – Stan – Hi. Sorry to bother you but there is a guest here asking after you.” A member of staff explains.

Sebastian frowns, his pulse rate increasing a little. “A – no that can’t be right, you’re not supposed to let anyone in didn’t you guys listen? I’m sorry but can you tell them to leave.” He feels tension and uneasiness rapidly wash over him.

“But Mr -” With that Sebastian drops the phone back onto the receiver, pressing his palms into his face as he settles back against the headboard, silence once again resuming, for several moments at least before the deafening ringer resumes its chorus.

“What?” Sebastian snaps, mildly irritated.

“Sorry – it’s just he’s very insistent to see you Mr Stan.” The female receptionist replies apologetically. 

Who?

Sebastian sits up a little straighter. “He? Excuse me?” 

“Mr Evans?” 

“I don’t – wait, Evans?” His eyes widen at hearing the name, a delayed yet sudden realisation dawning.

“Yes sir, he’s rather insistent like I say.” 

Sebastian panics at the state of himself, knowing only one Mr Evans. Said person should currently be several hours away on press. “Okay – I guess – Wait, are you absolutely sure it’s a Mr Evans?”

“Mr – Sebastian – Sir – without being rude yes Captain America is standing at concierge – asking for you.” She replies, a smile evident in her voice. 

“Right okay -” Seb hesitates, still feeling uneasy. “Let him up, but please make sure nobody sees him or where he’s going I’ve already had enough this week.” 

“Of course Mr Stan, we respect your privacy. Any problems just give us a call.” 

“Thank you.” And with that he all but throws the phone down onto the stand making a dash for the bathroom to check his current state, he’d showered sure but that was about as far as he’d got. 

The room itself is respectable, always taking pride and respecting wherever he may be staying. Looking in the mirror attempting to style his hair into something remotely neater he hears the telltale click of the key-card being entered – What if its not Mr – Chris. Hair brushing swiftly abandoned Sebastian peers around the corner of the bathroom to find the door shut, he cautiously steps over to it giving the handle a try. Huh? Locked. 

“Hiding from me pal?” An all too familiar Bostonian accent beams from behind clearly amused.

“Fuck – Chris.” Seb wheezes, his right arm instinctively grabbing his chest. 

“Is that the kind of welcome I get these days?” Chris laughs easily. 

“What? - No -” Sebastian turns to face the other man fully, taking in his well dressed appearance of blue jeans and navy bomber jacket a vast comparison from his old navy blue shorts and hoodie, a result from the climate in Atlanta being as decisive as a kid in a toy shop. 

“I’m kidding man, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Chris shrugs, holding his hands up in defence.

“It’s fine honestly.” Sebastian steps closer to Chris, running a hand through his hair hoping it doesn't look like he’d just gotten out of bed. 

“Suits you man, more like you a decade ago.” Chris smiles, nodding to where the other man is pulling at his hair. 

“Thank you.” Seb ducks his head, brushing past the taller man to sit at the foot of his bed. Since when was his heart beating unusually fast? “So – you know – I hear Captain America was at reception -” he says nonchalantly, smiling at Chris where he’s stood a short distance away. 

“Oh really?” Chris smirks, raising an eyebrow. “Is that what let me up here.” He quips closing the distance to stand in front of his friend. 

“No – no – you know what it’s like.” Seb sighs tiredly absent-mindedly pulling at his hoodie strings. 

Chris nods understandingly reaching out to place a firm hand on Seb's shoulder as he takes a seat on the footstool at the end of the bed, his large frame almost comical on the lower small furnishing. 

“Of course I do. Looks like they’re giving you better rooms these days lucky guy.” Chris teases looking over Seb's shoulder at the large bed and furniture behind. 

He shrugs.“It’s home for now.” 

“At least its not those pull out ones in trailers. To this day I swear my back is crippled from them.” Chris chuckles, shaking his head. 

Seb laughs softly smiling fondly at the memories eternally stored in his mind from the last decade, the countless conversations him and Chris had held over poor sleep whilst downing endless mugs of coffee to feel human. 

“Not that I’m complaining but what brings you here?” He asks curiously watching as Chris peels off his jacket revealing a simple yet snugly fit dark blue tee. 

Chris places the jacket on his lap looking up to where his friend is sitting cross legged. “Honestly man, just wanted to make sure you’re okay – word spreads ya know – shitty people and all. I know you’re a private person I just wanted to check on you.” He shrugs, a small almost shy smile forming on his lips. 

Seb, surprised, raises his eyebrows. “Thank you. You didn’t have to come all this way you know a message would have been fine you’re a busy guy.” 

Chris rolls his eyes. “No shit. So are you. But come on Seb you and I both know you hate technology sometimes. I like to think in the decade of our friendship I know you well enough to understand that seeing you in person means a lot more than a half ass message.” 

Seb chuckles nodding in agreement, feeling an unfamiliar wave of emotion wash over him. “You know me better than I know myself. But seriously Chris, thank you.” 

“Don’t worry about it. We’ve barely seen each other in months. Even TIFF I was bummed our movies were so far apart I missed you.” Chris admits, a sad smile ghosting over his face. 

“Me too. We’re both busy I guess, can’t exactly stop our jobs can we.” Sebastian laughs dryly. 

Chris frowns, narrowing his eyes at his friend. “I know but you’re one of my oldest friends Seb. I still think of you all the time, everything from the last ten years it means a lot to me man I’m not just going to forget any of it I never could.” 

Sebastian remains silent for several moments, avoiding Chris’ gaze as he stares down at the bed covers.

“How do you avoid it?” He speaks up, his voice hesitant. 

“Avoid what?” Chris frowns. 

“You know everyone playing fucking Sherlock finding where you are?” Sebastian meets Chris’s eyes for the first time in several minutes. 

Chris nods, taking in a deep breath. “I don’t know – I guess – I just avoid everyone. You, you go out, get coffee, visit stores, bars. You’re just being you. Even after all these years I’ve never really accepted that part of me and I’m not sure I ever will. You know what I’m like Seb. I’m just not as brave – no – not brave – well yeah that- but confident and people love that about you how you’ve never lost yourself. They just use it sometimes and it’s shit, they take it too far, they forget you’re a normal human with feelings. 

Seb huffs out a breath. “You know how much I love my fans they’re fucking everything. I wouldn’t be where I am without them. It’s just exhausting sometimes – sometimes I just wish I would be like you - Sebastian - without the thought in the back of my mind you know, what if someone saw me at this bar, this hotel, my home. I try my hardest because I love their enthusiasm and care but sometimes I just wish I could be invisible.” He sighs deeply, shoulders sagging. “It’s just how they know where I am, what time I was where, it’s honestly fucking terrifying sometimes Chris.” 

Chris reaches out to place his hand gently on the other man’s bare knee comfortingly. “I get you that’s why I wanted to see you’re okay, I know you put on a brave face better than most, I see it – and also it just makes me feel better knowing you’re okay too.” He admits, once again smiling coyly up at Seb as he feels his face heat up. Now is not the time Evans.

“I am – okay that is. There’s familiar faces on set and Mackie is – Mackie.” Seb chuckles feeling some of the tension starting to fade. “But it’s exhausting and lonely sometimes honestly. Coming back here you know, it’s different to the Marvel family – before – don’t get me wrong it’s great but -” He sighs in defeat, looking down at where Chris’ hand remains on his knee, warm and comforting. 

“You have me bud. Shit – I didn’t think -” Chris glances over to the scripts next to Sebastian’s leg, removing his hand to gesture to the pile of papers. 

Seb smiles lightly picking up the papers. “I’m not on set yet. It’s early days, they’re still altering costumes and tech. Haven’t even lubed up my new arm.” He laughs rolling his eyes, stretching his left arm out between them. 

Chris lets out a breath, his arm instinctively grabbing his chest in the famous Evan’s manner. “Thank god that was messy.” 

“What about you? Aren’t you needed for press or something. I saw your video with Scarlett too.” He questions. 

Chris shakes his head. “Oh – no – I have a bit of time. I had to see you first.” 

Sebastian nods seemingly unable to form words without the sudden risk of tears falling. He gazes down at Chris. They sit in comfortable silence for several moments, glancing at each other occasionally until Chris stands up taking the script from where it lays on Sebastian’s lap.

“So do I get a read of these you know. Cap Senior, Americas Ass rights?” Chris teases pretending to flick through the pages.

“Cap Senior?” Seb laughs. “You’re the Cap Chris, always will be. Well to me, you’re irreplaceable.” He feels his face heat up. 

Chris mock salutes, a mischievous grin forming on his face. “Scouts honour.” 

Seb rolls his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. “I don’t see why not. I trust you, of course I do. I’ll just be shot, you know, if anyone finds out.” 

“I promise they’ll be safe with me Sergeant.” Chris winks as he stands back up placing his jacket down on the footstool. “Scoot over will you that thing isn’t designed for anyone over five feet.” 

Sebastian shifts a distance away on the bed allowing the larger man to sit down, who, in turn mimics his friends position so they’re both cross legged at the foot of the bed. Once again the room is filled with silence, albeit slightly more tense apart from the occasional turning of pages, as Sebastian watches Chris read through the script, his expression changing by the second. After several minutes he turns his head to look out of the nearby window needing to look anywhere but the man next to him.

“Holy Shit!” Chris all but shouts, breaking the silence causing Sebastian to again jump.

“What? What is it?” He stares at his friend wide eyed, stomach turning.

“You have lines! Actual lines, holy shit. Seb, from what I’ve read it’s going to be amazing. You’re going to be amazing.” He beams, waving the script in the air. 

“Jesus calm down. Yes I have lines jerk.” He can’t help but match his friends grin, playfully nudging their shoulders together.

Chris turns his body towards the other man. “I’m so proud of you. Not just because of the lines, we all know you don’t need those for Bucky to be perfect. But for everything, I know you’ve been working tirelessly since we filmed Infinity War but you need a proper break not just a few days here and there.”

“Thank you.” He replies his voice barely above a whisper, the blue of his eyes expressing what his voice couldn’t. 

“Come here man.” Chris places the script down and stands up to wrap his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders where he remains seated on the bed, his head pressed into Chris’s stomach. After several moments he shifts to wrap his arms around as much of his friends frame as he can, the warmth from the larger man radiating through his body, fighting the tension away. 

“I needed that.” he lifts his head, seconds – minutes – hours – later to look up at Chris, who’s intently staring down at him. His eyes soft, caring. 

“You don’t need to thank me. It’s what I’m here for we all need to be cared for Seb.” He replies, his voice soft as he gently rubs his hands across Seb’s back, who, in return, tightens his grip around Chris’ waist. 

Sebastian reluctantly releases himself of the other man’s grip a short moment later, not leaving much distance between them but enough to make eye contact. “That includes you too.” 

Chris sighs, shaking his head. “I’m fine – good you don’t need to worry about me.” 

“I know you’ve been smoking more Chris don’t bullshit me.” Sebastian frowns, firm stare towards his friend.

Chris abruptly steps backwards over to the window, away from Sebastian. “And how would you know that?” 

Seb sighs. “Set photos Chris, you know, shitty people.” He emphasises the last phrase with air quotes even though the other man can’t see. 

Chris turns around, his face noticeably pale. “Oh – I hadn’t – nobody told me. Scott, management..” 

He stands up to face Chris from his position by the window. “Because they know you Chris. They see for themselves and if they wanted to talk to you they would. But people, you know, they have to make it a big thing no matter what it is whether its smoking or even a haircut for fuck sake. I wouldn’t have known myself if it wasn’t for them.” 

Chris’ eyes dampen slightly, his lips pressed into a tight line. “Then why didn’t you say something to me Seb?” 

“Because – because I hoped you’d reach out to me. Talk to me, just like we used to. Maybe I was just being stupid to think that.” He laughs dryly turning his head away from Chris’ gaze, throwing his arms up in the air letting them drop to his side exasperatedly. 

“Seb -” Chris’ voice breaks. 

Sebastian turns his gaze to the floor. “Don’t Chris it’s fine really. I shouldn’t expect that anymore you have – we have – different lives now. I get it.” 

Chris clears his throat, yet his voice still wavering. “Seb no, its not that -” 

“Then what is it?” He looks back up to the taller man his eyes glistening with a flash of hurt as he folds his arms over his chest. 

Chris sighs tiredly running a hand over his face. “Forget it – god - yes I smoke but I’m fine. It’s not the end of the world is it. So what if I’m tired? Aren’t we all.”

Seb’s eyes darken feeling a prick of irritation wash over him. “Do you really think I don’t give a shit.”

Chris shakes his head vehemently at his friend. “Of course not, it’s just that I’m afraid – that – it’s hard waking up every day still being only known as Cap, don’t get me wrong that role has and continues to change my life but I just feel like no matter what else I do will it be worth it? I’ve said I can’t see myself doing this forever, and I mean it I really can’t. I want a piece of the life you have – normality – I know I hide well, but like I said it’s because I’m a coward – fuck – I just want peace – you know I've always said I've struggled with fame and what it comes with, I’m tired man so fucking tired. Cap has passed his shield on so why can’t I – maybe not forever, I don’t know – shit I’m sorry you don’t need this.” He inhales deeply, closing his eyes as his hands begin to tremble. 

Sebastian, as ever the good person he is, senses this impending attack of anxiety. Taking a quiet step forward he gently places both his hands over the other man’s where they have clenched tight against his side. “Chris stop. You think I don't know about you wanting to leave this industry? I watch your interviews, and honestly, you know, it breaks me a little each time that for so many years now all you've said is you want to settle down in life, a family – and its been over a decade now and you're still saying it, but I know you Chris I can see you getting more tired in each interview repeating the same things- and if it hurts me then god it must kill you on the inside – but I know you Chris, you also strive to work, to be the best you can be, I look up to you, I always have done. You're afraid to let people down and be criticised for it, yeah okay there will be some shitty people but fuck them and what they think pal, do something for yourself, your happiness and if that means taking a break then take it. Do something for you. Cap sure did. You’ll always have my support no matter what you decide.” He squeezes Chris’ hands reassuringly. 

With his breathing levelling out and the overwhelming sense of mild panic dissipating thanks to the grounding touch from his friend Chris slowly opens his eyes staring straight into the captivating blue ones laced with concern only mere inches away. 

“I’m scared Seb.” He admits, a sad smile gracing his lips.

“I know, Trust me I do.” He replies softly and lets go of Chris’ hands increasingly aware of how long they’ve been wrapped around his own. 

Chris frowns for a brief second casting a fleeting glance down to his hands. A movement which may go unnoticed by many but not Sebastian. He tentatively hold his hands out between their bodies with a subtle yet reassuring head nod, Chris casts his eyes down at the hands and the man in-front of him searching his eyes for any trace of malice but all he’s met with is soft, open and honest yet slightly shy blue eyes silently telling him its okay, and with that he takes Sebastian’s hands in his own, squeezing gently as a thank you with a feeling of instant relief and grounding once again replacing overwhelming anxiety.

“You know I care Chris, maybe I’ve just been shit at showing you how much. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve like you.” He smiles softly, albeit with a trace of sadness, not quite reaching his eyes.

Chris rolls his eyes a hollow laugh escaping his lips. “I didn’t want to trouble you anymore with my shit, I did enough of that before it’s not fair on you and like you said its different now, we’re both busy with our lives. I should be able to cope I’m not a fucking child.” Despite holding Sebastian’s hands his body tenses, muscles rigid with anxiety and pent up frustration. 

“No Chris you’re not. But there’s no crime in admitting you need a friend. It’s what we’re here for you know, and I can bet it’s not just me. Did you know that Scott called me not that long ago asking if I’d heard from you? You hadn’t returned his calls or messages. He was worried and so was I. You know the first thing I thought when I saw his name come up? That he was going to tell me you’d been hurt or in an accident, I felt sick Chris. I told him no I hadn’t heard from you. He’s your brother Chris, he loves you, we all do.” He tightens his grip on their hands encouraging the taller man to open his eyes which he’d closed as soon as his brother was mentioned. 

“I thought you’d be pissed at me – all of you – I was – am pissed at me for letting it happen again. I thought I was better than it. Stronger.” He admits, voice tight laced with disappointment and choked with unshed emotions. 

“You are. Look at me.” Chris looks up through his lashes reluctantly.

“Do I look pissed?” He raises an eyebrow, his eyes bright yet a glint of sadness. 

Chris studies his friends features intently for several moments, his gaze trailing from his eyes down to his lips. “No.” 

Sebastian shakes his head unable to stop a burst of laughter escaping his lips watching Chris’ intent look on his face. “And I’m not going to be. I care so fucking much to ever be pissed at you Chris.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. Look, we’ve both been distant but you know what really matters is that we’re here, now, together. There’s always going to be shitty people and we’re not exactly superheroes ourselves.” He grins, playfully tugging at their grasped hands. “You coming all this way to see me – it makes up for any of the crap we have going on. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you, I just – I know you, you know, – we’ve both found it hard and I just thought giving you space would be the best thing – for me – and for you. All I wanted to do Chris was find you wherever you are and do everything I fucking could to take away whatever pain you were going through.” 

Chris lets go of their hands momentarily to lace their fingers together, causing both men to look down at their hands. “You do. You always do Seb.” 

“And so do you, coming all this way, I'll never take what we have for granted even if we drift apart, it’s cliché but we find each other one way or another.” He shrugs, feeling his face heat up let alone increasing pulse and sweaty palms. 

“Whatever this is – what we are – I don’t – can’t lose this Seb, but I don’t want to fuck it up either.” Chris admits offering a half crooked smile. 

Seb shakes his head in reply. “I said you won’t Chris. We’ve been a part of each others lives for over ten years, letting that go now would be a shitty thing to for both of us.” 

“I know. That’s why I can’t – fuck – god why is this so hard.” He groans and throws his head back frustratedly. 

Sebastian pulls their joined hands upwards towards his chest, resting his chin on their knuckles. “Talk to me Chris. Whatever it is. Even if it scares you do it, please it’s all I’m asking. You said yourself the decisions you don’t do are the things you regret more. So please.” He all but pleads, dropping their hands back down to give the other man space, but keeping a firm grip. 

With a shaky breath Chris exhales. “Shit – we’re friends right?” 

Sebastian fires him a deadpan look. “Yes Chris we are and if you -” 

“Seb stop, let me – I’m trying here.” He gives his friend a pleading look.

The other man just nods, giving Chris’ hands a gentle squeeze of encouragement. 

“Right. Friends. Do you do this with Mackie?” He pulls their hands up to emphasise his point. 

“What? Well, no? But I know this helps you – I’ve learnt that overtime you know, when you get overwhelmed and anxious, you relax by touch. Scarlett and Lizzie both have done, not just me.” 

Chris nods. “You don’t worry about what someone – shitty people – may think?” 

Seb’s brow furrows. “Why should I? Because we’re both men? If it made me uncomfortable I wouldn’t continue with it. But I do because I want to. God if the only way to calm you down was to kiss you I’d probably do it – because it’s you.” He admits.

Chris’ eyes darken, boring into the equally expressive blue-grey eyes in front of him. “Seb don’t shit with me.” He replies, his voice gravelly drawing out his Boston accent. 

The frown on Seb’s face remains fixed. “I’m not. Have I ever lied to you?”

“No you don’t. You’re one of the most genuine honest people I know. But don’t just say that for sake of it because that’d make me feel even more like a shitty person and that’s the last thing I want to be especially to -”

Chris is halted abruptly by a sudden yet gentle press of lips to his own and two hands cradling his face, warm over his beard. Almost as soon as he registers the sensation it’s gone in an instant as is the warmth on his face. He stands motionless staring at – well nothing – his eyes unfocused despite knowing his close friend is only mere inches away, his scent and presence filling Chris’ pores and mind. 

“Chris?” Sebastian asks hesitantly, his hands how hidden inside the sleeves of his hoodie as he nervously thumbs over the material. 

Chris’ eyes remain wide, pupils dilated with shock? Arousal? Surprise? “What was – you.” 

“Yes it’s me Sebastian.” He chuckles, grinning brightly at the taller man. 

Chris manages a weak laugh. “If you did that to make a point -” 

“No – I wanted – you that is. Only you Chris. If I’ve just fucked everything up tell me.” His heart is pounding and nausea rising from anxiety yet excitement from his actions considering Chris had not pushed him away. 

Chris tentatively brings his right hand up to touch Seb’s cheek, surprised at the feeling of his stubble under his fingertips. “I’ve never-” 

Seb brings his own hand to cover where Chris’ rests on his cheek. “I know, I know Chris.” He says his voice soft. 

“Do you – me?” Chris mumbles still seemingly unable to form a sentence, dropping his hand from his friends face, pulling his hand to join his own. 

“Chris, I – you’re so important to me you know, the friendship we have, all the shit we’ve done, we’ve been on this journey together and there’s nobody else I could have wanted to share it with. What I feel for you – fuck – it scared me, for a long time thinking that what I was feeling was wrong? Not because you’re a guy that doesn’t matter to me, but because you were and are my best friend. The longer filming went on the harder it became, that’s partly why I distanced myself you know, to see if it was more of an – infatuation – because we’d spent so much time together. I try – and have tried so fucking hard – to live my life without you, and honestly? It’s shit. So shit. And I regret it so much. I remember that movie you directed, there’s a scene about life being hard you know and that finding “perfect” is impossible, that you just have to find someone to struggle with. That moment – god – that’s you – I’ll just – sorry I’m talking shit.” He laughs nervously, running his free hand through his hair. 

“No Seb, I get it – I get what you’re saying. Doing that movie, it feels so long ago – but I remember thinking in those scenes the person in my life who was in my mind during those moments was you. No matter how shit life has been, having you as a friend it’s changed me Seb. Every time I’ve said you’re the sweetest guy you really are.” He grins, albeit his cheeks rapidly reddening.

Seb nods and ducks his head to look at the floor, nervous to look up at the taller man. Instead choosing to pull at the hem of his hoodie. “I’ve just been so scared that if I said anything about how I felt for you – I mean I was – confused how I felt about you – but I’m not ashamed of it. We love who we love.” With that he looks back up at Chris, his eyes soft, his emotions exposed laid bare for his friend to see. 

“Jeez, I don’t – I never expected this to happen. Have I let my mind drift to what it’d be like? Hell I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t but with everything changing, life getting in the way, I started to feel like it was a fantasy, that I was losing my grip on something I’d dreamt about for so long, I didn’t want to give up, but I did Seb, how I felt – everything – it all became too much, so, like you I thought if I distanced myself it’d make things right. But now I see that all I was doing was hurting myself and you. I’m sorry.” 

Sebastian dares to look up at Chris through his lashes shyly. “I don’t know what this means for us, but we’re not going to lose each other. If all we have is our friendship then I’ll be happy, it won’t change how I feel – and could feel for you but I respect you Chris you know, as your own person and a friend.” 

“If this is the only moment we get to share like this I’ll take it. This is me being selfish.” He takes Sebastian’s other hand, pulling him closer, their bodies only mere inches away. “This is putting my happiness first. I don’t know what’s going to happen after today but all I know is that this right now – this is perfect – and it’s real, I’ve got it with both hands.” 

“We’ve got it Chris.” He squeezes their fingers. “It’s not only you being selfish here you know. We’re both living in a moment we’ve only dreamt of. I think we’re allowed to be selfish. I’m yours for however you want me. If you only want the friendship we have I understand that, if you want – more – I’d take that chance with you. I know it wouldn’t be easy, god how long has it taken to get here.” He laughs softly, smile finally reaching his eyes. “But for the rest of our journey wherever it takes us I promise I’ll be right here.” He lets go of Chris’ right hand to bring his own up to lay it over the other man’s chest. 

Chris exhales a shaky breath, several tears silently rolling down his cheek, disappearing into the depths of his beard. “God Stan you’re killing me.” A wet laugh escapes his lips as he wipes his eyes with his right hand. 

“Even if we have to be apart for a while it won’t change how I feel for you Chris. I’ve carried it with me all these years.” He lowers his hand to rest on the other man’s waist, the warmth from his body penetrating through the material of his shirt. 

“I promise I’ll talk to you if – if I’m struggling. Maybe take some time off to stay with you if you’d have me.” Chris offers, tilting his head with a small smile. 

Seb rolls his eyes. “Of course, you don’t need to give me that look Evans. But this is home for now, as long as that’s okay with you.” 

Chris chuckles. “I don’t care if I have to share a shitty trailer and bed with you all I want is to spend time with you, however that is. Maybe try a little of that bravery you’re so good at, take you out for coffee or some place.” He winks, oozing his notorious Boston charm. 

Seb nods unable to hide his grin, his eyes crinkling. “I’d love that. As long as you’d be comfortable.” 

“You’ll be there. If you can be brave then so can I.” He replies, his voice reflecting that of his former superhero self.

The smile fixed on Sebastian’s face doesn’t falter an ounce. “Can – would you – you know – before -” 

“Jeez is it that hard to ask for a kiss?” Chris teases the other man, his tongue darting out against his lower lip subconsciously.

Seb blushes furiously, unable to tear his gaze away from Chris, eyes flicking between his darkened eyes and lips. “I’m still scared of fucking this up Chris. I don’t want to do the wrong thing.” he admits his voice unsure and hesitant still. 

Chris lets go of the hand still firmly grasped to Sebastian’s like a life line to pull his cap off, throwing it in the direction of the bed. “We both don’t. We’ll figure it out no matter how long it takes, but if you don’t kiss me I may explode.” His replies his tone gravelly, laced with desire.

Seb closes the distance between them, resting his forehead against Chris’. “Jerk.” he chuckles, wrapping his other arm around Chris’ waist pulling their bodies flush as he finally presses his lips against the other man’s. 

Chris melts into the embrace, unable to stop the moan erupting from deep within as their lips collide, tentative to begin with but in sync, as with everything else they are together. Perfect. With one hand he squeezes Seb’s right bicep and his other to cup his cheek, desperate to thumb over the soft bristles covering his perfectly angled jawline. Needing more but apprehensive of the outcome Chris lightly runs his tongue along Seb’s bottom lip, moaning at the sensation alone as the other man immediately parts his lips, eliciting a strangled moan himself as their tongues collide in a heated kiss, years of want and desire finally free between them. Eventually they pull apart only far enough to rest their foreheads together, Seb’s hand having wound around the nape of the taller man’s neck, his thumb idly tracing the soft hairs. “I’ve waited so long for that.” he laughs breathlessly, closing his eyes momentarily. Chris seizes the opportunity to press a chaste kiss to his lips unable to resist the feeling he’d dreamt of for over a decade, a feeling which exceeds his expectations. 

Both men stand in tight embrace for what feels like hours, absorbing the every fibre of each other, foreheads pressed together as they breathe in sync. Small, gentle touches remind one another they aren’t alone. After an – indefinite – amount of time Chris opens his eyes to take in the man before him. The man who had caused many sleepless nights yet given hope and inspiration, just by being himself the ever humble true man he was, and remains. Chris casts his gaze over his perfectly tanned skin, slowly greying stubble and oh so soft lips as red as his own -thoughts he’d never let himself relish in. 

“Seb?” Chris murmurs as he stands up straighter allowing more than an inch between them. 

Sebastian slowly opens his eyes pupils dilated, the blue overshadowing the grey flecks as he stares straight back into Chris’. “Yeah?” 

“Will you.” A kiss.

“Be brave.” And another.

“With me?” He asks with final kiss, accentuating each point, his lips curving into a hopeful smile. 

Unable to collate a sentence Sebastian just nods, his eyes shining impossibly brighter full of adoration to the other man. His love. 

Chris holds his hand out offering Sebastian an unspoken promise; because whatever life throws at you, take the hand that supports you, guides you and loves you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, much appreciated, as are kudos, not that you're obligated to! Cheers.


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